Where to start with unconventional vows nobody else could give
Writing unconventional vows nobody else could give starts smaller than you think: one true moment, said plainly to your partner. Start with when you knew, make two or three promises you can keep, write the way you talk, and read it aloud before the ceremony.
- Start with one specific moment: when you knew, or a detail only the two of you share.
- Make two or three promises you can keep, and say them to your partner, not the guests.
- Aim for one to two minutes, roughly 150 to 300 words, and read it aloud before the ceremony.
Examples you can read aloud
Each of these is a complete passage from unconventional vows nobody else could give — not an outline. Read them out loud, keep what feels true, and replace the names and details with your own.
For the groom who wrote his vows as a list
Alexis, you know I think in lists, so here are my vows, itemized. One: I promise to love you loudly in private and proudly in public, never the reverse. Two: I promise that your grandmother’s dumpling recipe dies with us — I will never leak it, even under interrogation from your cousins. Three: on your worst days, I will not try to fix you; I will bring snacks and shut up, as trained. Four: I will keep learning you, because eight years in, you still surprise me weekly. Five — and this one’s binding, no amendments: I will be yours, entirely, in every version of our life, for the rest of mine. Terms accepted the day I met you. Signed today, in front of everyone.
Why it works: The list format matches how he actually thinks, and the escalation from jokes to the binding final item gives it a real arc.
Customize it: Rewrite the five items with your own mix — two funny, two specific to her, one unmistakably forever.
For vows written as a letter to their future selves
Nadia, instead of talking about today, I want to talk to the two people we’ll be in fifty years. Hey, you two. I hope the knees held up. I hope you finally took the Portugal trip you kept postponing, and that the kitchen still smells like her saffron rice on Sundays. Old man — remember standing at this altar, so nervous he’d sweated through his jacket, promising to love her through everything? I’m proud of you for keeping it. Nadia, here’s my vow: I will spend every day between this moment and that one making sure those two old people exist — still laughing, still stubborn, still holding hands in the kitchen. See you in fifty years. I’ll be the one who never left your side.
Why it works: Addressing their future selves turns forever from an abstraction into two specific old people you can picture — and root for.
Customize it: Fill the future scene with your own postponed trip, signature dish, and the detail you hope never changes.
What to do — and what to skip — in unconventional vows nobody else could give
Do: Open with your relationship to the moment.
Avoid: Open with a dictionary definition or a borrowed quote.
The room came to hear you, not a greeting card.
Do: Build around one vivid story.
Avoid: List every memory you can think of.
One clear moment is easier to follow and easier to remember.
Do: Say the sincere part plainly.
Avoid: Hide every feeling behind a punchline.
The audience needs one honest beat to connect the laughs to.
Do: Keep jokes kind and room-safe.
Avoid: Trade in private embarrassment.
If the person on the receiving end would wince, cut it.
Do: Land on a clean closing line.
Avoid: Trail off after the final anecdote.
Endings are what rooms remember — give yours one job and let it do it.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I make my vows different from everyone else’s?
Change the frame, not just the words: write them as a list, a letter to your future selves, a set of terms, or a story told backwards. Then load the frame with details only you two share. Format gets attention; specificity earns the tears.
Can unconventional vows still feel serious enough for a wedding?
Yes — the trick is one unmistakably solemn beat. However playful the structure, land at least one plain, unhedged promise near the end, delivered slowly while looking at her. That single sincere anchor lets the rest be as inventive as you like.
Should I warn my partner that my vows will be unusual?
Tell her the format is a surprise but agree on length and overall tone beforehand. Blindsiding a partner who prepared classic romantic vows with performance art creates a mismatch everyone feels. Aligned expectations, surprising execution — that’s the sweet spot.
Ready to write yours?
Bring one or two real stories, and His Loving Vows will help you shape them into a complete draft that sounds like you.